One night when Jake struck out the last batter of the inning and was walking back to the dugout, he turned to look up at me, and did, but when he walked through the chalk line I knew he had not looked at me – but had looked slightly further up to the woman seated there, all make-up and breasts. I knew he had screwed her after helping his father put in her transmission that afternoon. I just knew it. I immediately left the ball field to walk and visit his mother, who I could quiz about the customers at the Car Boys for that afternoon.

“You broke the chalk line cranking your neck to get a good look at her,” I calmly said, “When you looked at her, and not me, I knew that you had fucked her.”
“I wasn’t looking at her, it was you. I just happened to hit the chalk line,” Jake whispered without ever breaking his entranced stare at the ball field.
“Well your timing was impeccable for someone who had to look up at me, then glance up at her, and then look down to not hit the chalk line.”
I paused between angry words.
“Well, the thing that happened — you broke the chalk line – happened. And, don’t tell me that you didn’t look at her. I said it the minute you got home, right away, I said to you, ‘I already know you fucked her.’ All this before all the rumors and phone calls, could get to me.”

With my last words, I knew I had ended my tirade.

I got out of the van to think clearly and Jake followed. He came around to my side of the van, angry and Jake doesn’t get angry, only quiet. When I realized he was going to explode, I stood quietly, acutely listening to his harsh words, streaming and throwing out nets where possible.

“When the hell do you think you’re going to be done bringing up this shit, day after day, in and out, I hear about it, you fucked her…you fucked her. Well all right, so I fucked her, are you happy? Huh? Well, okay, so there, I knocked-her-up. You think I don’t have to deal with this every-fucking-day? You think I like having my parents staring at me like I’ve disappointed them all over again, every fucking time I see them? It’s shitty, looking at the girls and knowing that I did this to us that I am the father of the most fucked-up family in the world, that I’m the one who did this.”

The heavy night around us was unlit by even the moon but still we could see each other in the dark. Jake leaned against the van with his arms crossed tightly, looking over at the baseball field. I was speechless looking at him. I know how silly it seemed that we had lived with this issue for the last three years and still we had not cleared the air about it. Not like this.

“I’m just glad you didn’t leave me, when you realized.” Jake’s voice went back to normal and he crossed his legs and looked down at his feet. He spoke softly.
“I think it was the bad luck that comes from a pitcher breaking the chalk line or the mixture of youth and ego that made me think nothing would ever come of it.”
“Please forgive me someday…and help me…by being a mother to my girls.”
I whispered a sympathetic laugh that came out lame. I was relieved to hear Jake’s words. I said glibly, “The only thing that would make our family normal is if I left.”

The Kensington Car Boys, The End – Tomorrow!